I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
