I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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