yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
