you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
