I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
try to milk me bitch
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