Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
