if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
