Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
