No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
