My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
