I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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