just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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