I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
