yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
