you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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