Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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