i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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