he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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