Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We are two peas in an std pod
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
