Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
