Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize