mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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