Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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