I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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