I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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