Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we're so committed to being not committed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
