I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
