Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
