Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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