I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
