in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
