I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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