She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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