Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
