Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
