You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm always down for nudity.
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