Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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