I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
