no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
