Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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