are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
