Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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