I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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