I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
