How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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