he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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