The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
