Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
