I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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