pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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