Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
