is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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