i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
