you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
