I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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