I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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