walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
