make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
