That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
