i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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