why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
