Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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