Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
