Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
