I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize