There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
